5 Ways to Annoy a Death Eater
by watchitstark
Summary: Hermione and others try to annoy some Death Eaters! Not all 30, just ones that I picked because I thought they were funny.
1. Chapter 1: Number 20

30 Ways to Annoy a Death Eater.

Number 20: Transfigure all their robes to canary yellow and tell them they were missorted while at Hogwarts and belong to Hufflepuff.

Hermione pushed on the gates of Malfoy Manor, and was very surprised and delighted when they opened, this was all going to plan, well, seeing as she had Narcissa on her side there was no way it wouldn't, but she had thought that Narcissa would come out and open them for her, rather than the gates just letting her in. She whispered a quiet _Lumos_ and stalked up the drive, kicking a couple of white peacocks on the way, damned Lucius wanting them for some insane reason, she knew that Narcissa or any of the Death Eater's wouldn't want them, only Lucius would ever be so ostentatious. Once she got into the Entrance Hall she was relieved to see that it was clear, apart from Narcissa who was crouched in the shadows under one of the sweeping staircases. When she noticed Hermione she quickly rushed over to her and linked their hands, her and Narcissa had started to meet in secret and had started a relationship. Hermione grinned and pecked her on the cheek.

"It's that door." Narcissa whispered and gestured to a door to their left with her hands. "Voldemort's not there tonight, so it's the perfect night to do it." She continued. Hermione smiled and kissed Narcissa full on the lips, before turning to the door that she had pointed out and tightened her hold on her wand and cast Disillusionment Charm, shivering at the cold trickle down her back, and slowly opened the door, very quietly, and then slipped in, hoping that no one noticed her. Then, with a muttered spell and a wave of Hermione's wand, everybody, apart from Hermione's, robes turned yellow!

"What the Hell?" Several Death Eaters yelled. Voldemort looked disgusted, and then tried to change it back, but he couldn't, the spell was permanent for twenty-four hours.

"WHO DID THIS?" Voldemort roared. Hermione took the charm off and said loudly.

"I DID! Because I think that you were all meant to be in Hufflepuff, and Hufflepuff is secretly the house where the evil lie!" She sounded almost serious, and then two people started to laugh in thin air and suddenly Harry and Ginny came out of Harry's cloak as they fell to the floor laughing. Bellatrix stood up, anger in her eyes and pulled out her wand, ready to cast the Cruciatus curse on the laughing figures on the floor. Hermione silently disarmed her and started to laugh when she tried to glare at her.

"Bellatrix, you're wearing yellow, it doesn't look good with your complexion and you don't look serious enough." She managed through fits of giggles. Malfoy/Ferretface looked like he was going to cry, he looked really washed out in that colour.

"Although none of you know what loyalty is, and you're not good at finding things." Ginny said and the others just collapsed with laughter. Once the Death Eaters had recovered they jumped up and ran out the door and down the drive, once at the end they Apparated away.

_**A/N: This is long overdue, it's for the '30 Ways to Annoy the Death Eaters' challenge, by 'comebacksirius'.**_


	2. Chapter 2: Number 14

**30 Ways To Annoy A Death Eater**

**Number 14: Imperio Snape to do an Herbal Essences ad. Film the ad and show it to the Death Eaters at the next meeting.**

'**For the 30 ways to Annoy a Death Eater' Challenge by 'comebacksirius'**

"Sssshhhh!" I hissed at Harry as we crouched in a corner, near the Prefects bathroom waiting for Snape to come round the corner on his nightly rounds, watching his footsteps get closer and closer on the Marauder's map. Silent as a ghost, he suddenly slipped around the corner and I stuck my wand out, whispering; "Imperio." He suddenly stopped, and because he didn't expect it the curse took hold, although Hermione hadn't really been expecting it to work. She guided him into the Prefects bathroom with her mind and grabbed her bag, motioning for Harry to follow her. He grinned and got up, and they quickly sprinted into the bathroom. Once they were in they noticed that Snape was just forlornly stood in the middle of the room with his hands by his sides.

"Snape, put these on, get changed in one of those cubicles." Hermione commanded, handing his a pair of bright yellow swimming trunks.

"I didn't realise that they wore trunks in Herbal Essences adverts." Harry said brightly.

"They don't, but do you really want to see Snape naked?" Hermione grimaced and then Harry did too.

"Good point, well done for thinking ahead." Harry said with a smile. A moment later Snape came out in the bright yellow trunks.

"They do horrible things for his complexion." She frowned.

"Yes, but what's more embarrassing than yellow?" Harry asked.

"Red. Bright Gryffindor red. With stripes of gold." Hermione grinned evilly and flicked her wand, the trunks changing to how she had described.

"Okay, let's get on with the show!" She got out a camera, and the Herbal Essences bottle which she gave to Snape, before turning one of the showers on and making Snape stand under it.

"Okay. Snapeadoodle, Put some of Herbal Essences in your hand and then start to rub it into your hair, act like you're really enjoying it." Snape did a good show, and it was rather hilarious to watch as well.

"Okay, we have the video and now to get out of here without Snape ever knowing that we did it." She got Snape to get dressed again and then Stunned him, took Imperio off and then Oblitivated the last 15 minutes from his memory. They quickly ran out and back up to Gryffindor Tower before anyone knew what was happening.

"Alright!" Harry said triumphantly as he managed to walk through the gate. Hermione followed him and they quickly ran up to Manor, hoping that no one would spot them. Once they got to the main door Narcissa quickly ushered them inside and took them to a door just to the left of the grand sweeping staircase.

"This is where they meet. You all the equipment with you?" Hermione nodded. "Good luck. And please don't either of you get yourselves killed." She whispered to both of them but she was looking at Hermione while she said it.

"I won't Cissa, don't worry about me." Hermione kissed her softly on the lips and Harry started tapping his foot. "Oh shut up Harry, you were the one that was all over Draco in front of me yesterday." Harry just sighed. "Alright, I'm coming." She pecked Cissa once more on the lips and then her and Harry strode into the ballroom where the Death Eaters were meeting.

"We have a little presentation to show you! One of your number stars in it, although they should have no recollection of the event." She smirked in a way that could rival Malfoy's and set up the television and DVD player. It came into life and she pressed play. Everyone watched in surprise as Snape lathered the shampoo in, obviously enjoying himself.

"What is this?" Voldemort roared.

"This is what your Snapeadoodle likes to do in his spare time." Hermione said with a wide grin.

"Not true, my Dark Lord, I would never do this, they must have cast Imperio on me and then Oblitivated the memory!" Snape declared through Bellatrix's cackling.

"Snapeadoodle, it appears to have made no difference to your hair." She cackled, plucking at the limp strands. Harry and Hermione looked at each other and grinned, before quickly leaving the room. She kissed Narcissa on her way out and then Side- Along Apparated with Harry back to Hogwarts.

_**A/N: Yay! I managed to write this, and somehow it was easier than when I last tried. :D**_


	3. Chapter 3: Number 16

**5 Ways to Annoy a Death Eater**

**Number 16: Dress as Minerva McGonagall for a whole day and whenever someone talks to you just throw them a stern look over your glasses.**

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Ginny asked Hermione and she watched her best friend struggle into the green robes that she had stolen off of her favourite teacher.

"Yes! Of course it will!" She said once she got her head out of the neck hole.

"I'm still not so sure." Ginny said as she handed Hermione some glasses, exactly the same as the teachers that she was trying to be, just with clear glass because Hermione has perfect vision. She slid them on and looked in the mirror.

"Gin, put my hair up in a bun will you?" Hermione asked. Ginny just sighed and consented. If you haven't managed to guess who Hermione was going to dress up as for the day then you really dense, she was, of course, going to dress up as the magnificent Minerva McGonagall. Once they were done Hermione threw Ginny a stern look over her glasses, she had been perfecting it for the last few weeks.

"That's brilliant!" Ginny gasped. Apart from the fact that Hermione had brown hair and eyes, she really did look like McGonagall. "Doesn't it feel weird to be wearing clothes that the person that you're crushing on owns?" (_**A/N: I couldn't help putting a little HG/MM in there ;)**_) Ginny asked with a frown, a few years ago Hermione had told her about the feelings she held for a certain Transfiguration mistress.

"Erm… Yeah, it does a little. But I'll get over it. They smell like her though." Hermione said happily and sniffed the fabric. Ginny rolled her eyes and they headed downstairs, Hermione following her closely. Harry and the others tried to talk to her but she just looked at them sternly over her glasses and carried on walking.

"What the hell is up with Hermione?" Ron asked, confused.

"She erm, felt like an outfit change." Ginny frowned.

"But dressed as McGonagall?"Harry continued.

"Errr… Yeah." Ginny said, grabbing their arms and dragging them down to breakfast.

On the way to the Great Hall Hermione crossed paths with the Professor that she was dressed as. Minerva literally stopped dead when she saw how Hermione was dressed, and then she fell into step next to her when she regained control of her body.

"And why are you dressed as me today Miss Granger?" Hermione grinned at her.

"I felt like an outfit change." She shrugged.

"Mmm… I don't see why you would choose me of all people to imitate."

"Because you're cool." Hermione grinned even wider, if it was possible.

"I'm not sure that you quite know what cool means." Minerva frowned.

"I'm quite sure I do." And she skipped off, leaving a confused Minerva behind her.

She was walking to library when Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle jumped out and tried to annoy her.

"Filthy Mudblood!" Hermione just gave him a stern look over her glasses and tried to walk past them.

"Oh come on, Mud, what's wrong?" He mocked and she just looked at him. He kept on throwing jibes at her and slowly got more and more furious.

"I'll tell my Father about this!" And he pulled out his wand and tried to curse me. I just cast Protego wandlessly and raised an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of Minerva. Crabbe and Goyle both ran towards me but I cast Incarcerous too quickly for them to get close. Malfoy just sighed.

"Why can't I get a reaction out of you Granger?" He groaned. She just looked at him sternly again and walked past him.

_**A/N: This, erm, sucks basically. I'm not happy with it but I don't know what else to do to be honest.**_


	4. Chapter 4: Number 18

**30 Ways to Annoy a Death Eater**

18. Wear a ''Mrs. Harry Potter'' shirt or a ''M. Hermione Granger'' shirt, or a ''I love mudbloods'' shirt or ''Mudblood and proud'' shirt in front of them.

Hermione grinned as she slipped on her shirt, admiring herself in the mirror. Ginny came in and both girls started to laugh at the tops that the others were wearing; Ginny was wearing a bright pink top that said "Mrs. Harry Potter" in dark blue writing and Hermione a black one that said; "Mudblood and Proud" in neon orange writing. They high fived and left then joined Harry and Ron downstairs in the Common Room. Ron was wearing a "I love Mudbloods" Shirt and Hermione just sighed, he still was trying to get her to believe that they were in love and were going to have seven million little ginger babies. Harry was wearing a "Mr. Hermione Granger" Shirt and Hermione laughed at him.

"Harry, I don't need both of you to be giving me flowers all the time, it's distracting."

"Don't be silly Hermione dearest, I just needed to find a way to express my love for you as my favourite sister in the whole world. Ginny dear, please don't tell me that you're still in love with me." Harry said, linking arms with Hermione as the quartet descended the stairs and cut through shortcut after shortcut.

"Of course I am, but I realise that you are gay, and someone had to wear the Mrs. Harry Potter shirt, and it certainly couldn't have been Hermione because I couldn't have worn hers." Ginny shrugged and carried on walking, trying not to notice when Draco came along side the group and pecked Harry on the cheek before looping his arm around Harry's waist, he was wearing a "I love Harry Potter" t-shirt that was Slytherin green with silver writing on. They got to the Great Hall and Draco came and sat with them, he and his Mum had abandoned the Death Eaters and Narcissa taught Defence and Snape had slinked back to Potions seeing as Slughorn didn't get employed in the end. Tonight the mini-Death Eaters were having a meeting in the school and Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Draco, Neville and Luna were going to help them, all in silly shirts because they knew that it would rile the Death Eaters up and they wouldn't act rationally in the duel, thus giving the Order an upper hand. Narcissa was coming to help as well; she didn't want to be a spy or anything so it was easier if they had an adult on side. She'd told them that she was going to wear a shirt too tonight, just because it would be funny. Luna and Neville were both wearing "I love Mudbloods" Shirts, even though they were an item, and madly in love. Narcissa hadn't shared what shirt she was wearing, although Harry thought he knew, unbeknownst to Hermione and Narcissa, he had spotted a growing tension between the two of them, and he knew that they liked each other and he hoped that Narcissa was going to be wearing a "Mrs. Hermione Granger" top because it would make Hermione's year, and Narcissa's too, seeing as he was certain that Hermione was going to jump into her arms.

**HGNMHGNMHGNMHGNMHGNM**

Later that night they were on stakeout, waiting for all the Death Eaters to start the meeting. Narcissa was nowhere to be seen, but she had a weird way of showing up when she was needed, so Hermione knew that she'd be here. Once they were all assembled, there were ten of them, varying from Fifth Years through to Seventh, although Draco thanked God that Zabini and Nott weren't here, he was actually real friends with them, even though it didn't appear so to an outsider. Narcissa showed up behind them just as the last Death Eater arrived, and Harry took a moment to check out Narcissa's top, and was glad to see that it said "Mrs. Hermione Granger" with a massive heart on it. He motioned with his fingers to count down from three and when he was finished they sprung out, and they had 7 of them down with the first set of spells, and the other three were down by the second, none of the Order even had a scratch on them. Hermione trussed them all up with Incarcerous and turned to the others.

"Well that was so fast that they didn't even see our shirts. I think that we should rub it in their faces a little." She took all their wands and then cast Enervate on them. When Crabbe saw their shirts he attempted to spit at them but because he was laying down it just ended up on his face and they collapsed laughing.

"Hey, Parkinson wouldn't have thought that you have the balls to join the Death Eaters." Ginny sneered.

"Of course I do! It's where I belong, like my Father and his father before him!" She sneered. All of them just rolled their eyes.

"There goes me thinking that you were smart like Blaise and Theo." Draco said.

"You thought she was smart?" Narcissa exclaimed, shocked.

"Hey you can't be in on this, you're a teacher!" One of the Fifth Years exclaimed.

"I'm also an Order member." Narcissa countered. Hermione gave her a sideways glance and then looked at her shirt and gasped some of the Slytherin's eyes followed and one of them sneered;

"Well that's not against the rules is it, sleeping with a student."

"I'm not sleeping with her. It was simply a way to get a message across." Narcissa replied calmly.

"That you want to be sleeping with her." He shrugged. "It's all the same you paedophile."

"I'm 17." Hermione chimed in. "And it's not like she'd be forcing me." Hermione eyes locked with Narcissa's cerulean blue ones as she said the last bit. Narcissa was grinned and stepped up close in front of her and gave her a hug. Ron gasped and Narcissa whispered in her ear;

"I won't kiss you, Ron might implode." They both laughed and Hermione let go after a long moment. McGonagall came across them while on her rounds and she grinned;

"Well done! Took you two far too long." Then her eyes surveyed the scene. "Death Eater meeting?" They all nodded.

"Okay, I'll get some Auror's to come and collect them." They all grinned and high fived, Voldemort was losing some followers, and they didn't have to put up with the dunderheads in class anymore.

_**A/N: Woah, this was long! A lot longer than I meant for it to be, I admit but I reckon it's alright. Review much? :D **_


	5. Chapter 5: Number 19

**30 Ways To Annoy a Death Eater**

19. Dye all the death eaters' hair red with a spell and tell them you want to play a game called: We are the Weasleys.

Hermione grinned evilly as she performed the spell on Harry; turning his hair red as he talked to Ron. Ron noticed it immediately and almost fell over laughing and Hermione joined in as Harry just stared at them bemusedly. Hermione just removed the spell and then grinned.

"I have a plan."

**HGNMHGNMHGNMHGNMHGNM**

Hours later the three of them were outside Malfoy Manor, Narcissa had gained them entry again, just like last time. They knew that Voldemort was here; but that would only make it more fun; they had a ginger wig for him; he has no hair. Hermione was already laughing just at the idea as they ascended the drive and entered the Manor.

"Remember, they will try to curse you. Ignore them and just try to carry on getting them to play." Hermione advised and turned to the large elaborate doors and shoved them open and stepped inside, immediately getting enveloped into a big hug by Narcissa. Hermione quickly pecked her on the lips and then squeezed her.

"I'll see you when we come out."

"I don't like this." Narcissa warned.

"We'll be fine; I lived last time didn't I?" Narcissa just sighed as Hermione spun out her arms and barrelled towards the door that she knew held the meeting room behind. They burst in and cast the spell that she had performed earlier on them and then casting a Permanent Sticking Charm on the wig before sticking it to Voldy's head.

"I want to play a game called We Are the Weasley's. Correction; you guys are. Bellatrix, you're Ginny. Alecto and Amycus, you guys are Fred and George. Draco, you're Ron. Ermmm…. Tom, if you would kindly be Arthur and the rest of you are just random Weasley siblings; there are an awful lot of them."

"Hey, I resent that comment!" Ron said indignantly. They had them acting like they actually were a family at dinner time, and Bellatrix was flirting with Harry until Voldy finally noticed what had happened, and what they were doing. As soon as Hermione saw him draw his wand she muttered;

"Oopsie, time to go." And they quickly ran out the room and down the drive, although Narcissa was now following as they Apparated to Hogwarts.

**HGNMHGNMHGNMHGNMHGNMHGNM**

"Did it work?" Narcissa asked as they landed outside Hogwarts' gates.

"Yep. We even had Voldy being polite and eating anything else but snake venom and Bellatrix had charmed her hair straight and was chatting up Harry." Hermione and the others collapsed into fits of laughter, Ron ended up on the floor, banging his fist upon the ground. When they finally recovered Narcissa gave her a lingering kiss.

"I must go, before the Dark Lord realises I'm gone." Narcissa sighed and Apparated, the others already making their way up to the castle.


End file.
